Dear Spammers of the World,
Flattered by I am by your 2000+ daily emails, and the corresponding assumption that I have both a trusting nature and disposable income, I feel I must tell you the truth: I possess neither. I am cranky and more than a little paranoid, and any free cash around here is going to the Replace The Nasty Carpet Fund, so you're wasting your time. You are also not winning any points by telling me I'm fat. Please go away now.